Characters

Betsey Crocker * – The substitute hostess for Hollywood’s annual awards ceremony, Betsey is also the hostess of a nationally-syndicated household tips program.

Cecil B. DeSpielberg * – The most powerful and despicable producer in Hollywood, Cecil owns the largest film studio, a TV network, a string of Las Vegas nightclubs, as well as the contracts for Hollywood’s leading stars.

Cherdonna – Hollywood’s most notorious rock star, Cherdonna is known for her torrid off-screen romances and her sizzling videos.

Otto Von Struedel – Hollywood’s most tyrannical and dictatorial director, Otto is now looking for that one special film that will once again put him on top.

Mona Desmond – Hollywood’s most famous – and ruthless – movie star, Mona won’t let anyone or anything get in her way of collecting the “Best Actress” award at tonight’s ceremony.

Rex Ebert – Hollywood’s leading movie critic and gossip columnist, Rex has ruined many a career…and a life…with his stinging criticisms.

Princess Dimples LaTour – The former Queen of Burlesque and a leading Las Vegas showgirl, Dimples is now married to British royalty. She’s back in Hollywood to settle a few old scores.

Rock Hunk – Hollywood’s top romantic leading man and skirt-chaser, Rock has eyes for only one person; the one he sees in the mirror.

Biff Groinbruiser – Former football star and now Hollywood’s top muscle man/action hero, Biff is troubled with a deficient IQ and an overactive jealous streak.

Baby Snookums – Mona Desmond’s estranged daughter and former Hollywood child star, Baby Snookums is now a famous novelist and an investigative journalist and author of the upcoming book, “Dearest Mommy.”

Jeeves Belvedere – Mona Desmond’s loyal butler and confidant for the past 25 years, Jeeves knows which closets are hiding the skeletons.

FiFi Bonjour – Former French sexpot from the 1950’s, Fifi recently resurrected her career and now stars as a crazed serial killer in cheap horror films.

Olivia Dehavalot – Former Miss America and Mona Desmond’s identical twin sister, Olivia has been in bitter competition with her sister all her life.

Tex Giddyup – Hollywood’s top cowboy star, Tex is trying to lasso the White House as he runs for president.

Eve Herringbone – Aspiring actress as well as understudy and stunt double for Mona Desmond, Eve swears she’ll do anything to become a star…anything.

Clovis Presley – Elvis’ cousin twice removed and the nation’s foremost Elvis impersonator, Clovis finds he’s occasionally on the wrong side of the law.

Vivian Gusher – International president of the “Mona Desmond – Now and Forever or At Least Until She Drops Dead” Fan Club, Vivian finds that every day she identifies more and more with her favorite star.

Wilbur Sliderule – Official accountant for tonight’s awards ceremony, Wilbur knows the secrets sealed in the winning envelope.

* Performed by acting troupe members

by Dick and Vickie Katschke